Imagine the astonishment then, in 1004, when Maria Argyropoulina, Greek niece of Byzantine Emperor Basil II, arrived in Venice for her marriage with a case of golden forks to use at the wedding feast. She was roundly condemned by the local clergy.

When she died of the plague two years later, Saint Peter Damian suggested that it was God’s punishment for her “forked” ways. The devil took her!

By the 1400s dining forks were appearing in Italian cookbooks, and shortly thereafter, another noble marriage influenced the public’s perception of the fork. Catherine de Medici arrived from Italy to marry the future French King Henry II, and with her she brought several dozen intricate silver forks. Wealthy French families eagerly adopted the new Italian influence. (Who knew the fork was once pop culture?)

Well into the early 1800s, forks were still considered a novelty by some, and the source of great confusion to others.

By the first World’s Fair in 1851, the fork had finally gained widespread Western acceptance as a popular eating utensil. It even had its own set of rules to help the confused or socially self conscious. Perhaps that was the point when the fork’s reputation as the ultimate symbol of etiquette issues was first forged.

So, the next time you sit down to a formal meal and feel a hint of panic at the sight of three forks, don’t sweat it! Your ancestors didn’t get it either, but in time, there’s hope for us all.

Yay! It’s my turn! After a long wait in line at the bakery, standing there enduring all those sumptuous sights and scents, I was practically drooling with excitement to place my order.

But in the micro-moment it took me to step forward and open my mouth, without any warning at all, someone hijacked my service provider!

“Hey Polly, did Mark tell you that we’re putting the muffins on the top rack now?” her co-worker hollered from behind the display case. Instead of maintaining contact with me, Polly turned her attention away.

“That man is so cute, I’m thinking about fixing him up with my little sister, Janine. Do you think they’d make a good couple? I’m not sure, but I think it could work….”

HEY! I thought. I’ve been waiting here for 15 minutes to hand you money, and now I have to wait even longer so you can discuss the social lives of people I don’t even know before you do business with me? I was fuming.

It only took a moment to have their little chat, but in that moment, these employees cost the bakery a customer. (And yes, you can be sure I let the owner know – politely, but firmly – just how disappointed I was in the service.)

Have you ever had your service hijacked? Isn’t it frustrating?! As a paying customer who waits patiently to be served, you have a right to expect the full, undivided attention of a service provider – and the right to take your business elsewhere when you don’t get it. After all, voting with your dollars is one of the best ways to be heard.

Then again, reconsidering your own behavior is one of the best ways to change the world. As it turns out, customers hijack each other’s turn all the time. (I just have a quick question…. or This will only take a second….)

If you’ve ever been a victim of such behavior – from a fellow customer or a professional – you know just how off-putting it can be. As we all know, even a brief interruption is still an interruption.

So I encourage you to make a personal commitment today: don’t be a hijacker! Always give people due time, adequate space and privacy to conduct business without distraction. It may be a small step, but it moves us all toward a more respectful world.

We tend to assume that ear buds, headphones and cell phones funnel sound directly to our eardrums, but in truth, a significant amount of sound escapes these channels, flowing freely into the environment around us.

This side-stream sound can easily annoy other people – or worse!

On Friday afternoon, Jason was carpooling home from a conference with several colleagues. It was nearly 5:00 pm when Jason’s phone rang; it was his wife calling, wondering when he would be home.

After a quick update, as they were about to end their call, Jason’s wife let him know just how much she was missing him with a spicy little comment that was clearly meant for his ears alone.

Unfortunately, her message reached more ears than she intended. Suddenly, everyone was blushing and looking out the window – everyone except Jason, who had no idea how many people knew about his very personal plans.

Here’s what else he didn’t know: One of the easiest ways to accidentally compromise confidentiality is to take a personal call in close proximity to someone else. As careful as you may be with your own words, your caller’s speech can easily reach those within a few feet of you. And in a small, closed environment such as an office or car, your unintended audience has no choice but to listen, like it or not!

Cell phones are not the only offender, though. As any frequent flyer can tell you, personal music players, portable games and movie players are just as guilty of earpiece sound leakage.

Gym-goers know it, too. We love to move to our own beat, but when we pump up the volume, it shouldn’t be any surprise when our immediate neighbors move elsewhere.

The key to conquering earpiece leakage: a little consideration – and distance! Lower your volume setting when around other people, and make sure you’re at least 10 feet away from an unsuspecting audience when you take personal calls.

These are such simple steps, but they can make such a big difference to those around you – and that, my dear reader, is the very essence of etiquette.

1. Always use diplomacy: Speak to your convictions in the calmest, most respectful way possible. Always.
2. Treat everyone kindly: Relationships with peers and subordinates are as important as those your carefully cultivate with superiors, clients and other key people.
3. Never leave your boss open to surprise: Keep her or him informed of issues, discretely.
4. Keep detailed notes on people: Use your contact manager to note personal details (spouse’s name, children, and other notable facts). This is such an easy way to reinforce a relationship.
5. Disparaging comments can do tremendous damage to a relationship, reputation, even a career in the blink of an eye. Be very careful with your words about others, as they will often be repeated.

These guidelines may seem deceptively simple, but they highlight an overall attitude of respect and service that is becoming increasingly uncommon. Adopt them, and you’ll stand head and shoulders above the rest.

With Facebook and other photo-sharing networks growing life wildfire, many of us have had this unfortunate experience, and the feeling that follows is downright awful! Such careless regard for others’ feelings is the essence of bad photo etiquette.

Remember, permission is very important, for both taking and sharing a picture of someone else.

This lesson is especially important in dealing with other cultures. All around the globe, people believe that when someone takes your picture, they trap your soul. Carelessly snapping shots of an Australian Aborigine or Native American could be considered a grave offense, and even land you in jail!

Even with your average tech-savvy person, always ask permission before posting pictures of other people online. There are many reasons they might decline, and their privacy must be respected.

Here are some simple rules to remember about e-mail etiquette.

1. Write a descriptive subject line so the recipient will know immediately where this matter fits in the larger picture.
2. Remember to include a greeting. It’s effortless, yet it makes a connection between writer and recipient.
3. Don’t waste people’s time. Think twice before choosing “reply to all” and delete any unnecessary information in forwarded messages (headers, addresses, etc.).
4. Always be respectful; e-mails are easily saved, shared and quoted in the future. If you feel the urge to write an emotionally charged message, go handle it in person.
5. Respond in a timely fashion – even if only to say, I can’t respond until (date).

It’s the little things that matter… but they really do matter! Remember, it only takes a moment to give yourself the Etiquette Edge.

While these alcohol-based gels are an extremely effective way to kill germs and protect our health without breaking stride, they do have one major drawback… clammy hands!

When the alcohol evaporates, it always takes some body heat from your skin along with it. This leaves skin feeling chilled until your circulating blood warms it again. The same thing happens when we wash out hands. A little body heat leaves your skin with the evaporating water.

While this isn’t generally an issue for most people… it can certainly make for an uncomfortable handshake – for both people! How can you radiate warmth and brilliance… if the first impression you give someone is a clammy hand?

Warm hands are like warm laundry – they feel so good! There’s something so comforting and reassuring about them…. But damp fish? Not so much.

So, remember, if you duck into the restroom to freshen up before a big meeting, take an extra 30 seconds to rub and warm your hands before making your entrance. It only takes a moment to increase the circulation in your skin – and bring your natural warmth back to the surface.

My friends had to chuckle at the idea of an Etiquette Maven at an Elvis wedding, as if this was somehow a volatile combination. But the truth is, I was completely charmed by the whole event! “Elvis” was so engaging; he had the whole group singing and dancing. It was fun, light-hearted, full of music and spirit, and most certainly memorable.

When I returned home and expressed my delight, those chuckling friends were so surprised. “We never thought you’d enjoy something so tacky as a fat singer in a sequined, polyester jumpsuit – and at a wedding, no less!”

It was my turn to chuckle. Their idea of an etiquette maven was so cliché – prim and proper and restrained – and in their minds, an Elvis wedding was 180° the opposite!

So, for the record, I’ll say it again:

Etiquette is all about having a good time – and making sure others are too. It doesn’t matter if you’re wearing a velvet cape and crown or shiny gold polyester. If you make your guests feel welcome, comfortable and carefree, that’s social grace.

And in that light, it was a roaring success. In fact, at the end of the evening, I just couldn’t help myself… I took my exit with a curled lip and a jaunty little smile, saying, “Thank you, thank you very much…” because it truly was a lovely event.

So, why? What is that phenomenon all about?

A friend of mine, who happens to be in the field of telecommunications, recently enlightened me on this matter. As it turns out, cell phones are missing a bit of technology that our land-line phones have – the mechanism that helps us hear ourselves talking.

In regular telephones, we have something called a network card. One of its functions is to re-route a bit of your speech from the mouthpiece back to the earpiece. The speaker hears themselves talking, which helps them regulate their speaking volume. This is called sidetone.

For some reason, cell phones don’t have sidetone, so we don’t hear ourselves through the earpiece. It doesn’t seem like that should matter much, but it does.

Because our first experiences were with land-line phones, we subconsciously learned to listen for our own voice through the earpiece. When we don’t hear it on cell phones, we instinctively TALK LOUDER.

Maybe this bit of information will help soothe your nerves when a fellow shopper is telling the entire store about her colonoscopy. Or, maybe not.

However, now that you know that we all tend to do this, make sure YOU don’t broadcast your personal life by accident. I promise you, the rest of us really don’t want to know.

If you ever…

• Interrupt a real-life conversation to take a (non-urgent) call,
• Half-way participate in conversations while gazing at a screen,
• Talk on a cell phone while paying for groceries,
• Talk on the phone while using the restroom,
• Fixate on a video/computer game (Solitaire, anyone?),
• Zone out and mindlessly eat in front of the television, then pullyourself off the couch and wonder where the hours (and food!) went…

…chances are, you’ve been techno-tized.

There’s something about the power of the almighty screen that shifts our minds into neutral. We suddenly become preoccupied and passive, falling into a trance where the screen dominates our attention while the world – and people – around us fade away.

If you’ve ever tried to talk to a child watching television, you understand this phenomenon well. But adults are just as guilty. We’ve all seen two people in a restaurant, ignoring each other but talking on cell phones as they eat.

To be fair, technology has come so far, so fast, that we can’t help but be fascinated. Have you seen computer graphics these days? And the animation in movies… wow!

But the point is this: technology is changing our culture – and it’s doing so at a shockingly fast pace. It takes us into uncharted social territory, where there are no rules (yet). And even if there were rules, they too would change by next year, maybe sooner.

So this leaves us all wondering: how do we behave? Where should we draw the line? What can we assume about what’s acceptable – and what’s not?

Here’s the bottom line: No matter how fascinating technology gets, do we really want to live in a world where people are more loyal to their entertainment, gadgets and games – than to other people?

Technology is as wonderful as its positive impact on our lives. The moment is starts drawing power from your relationships and real-world life, it’s probably time to…

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